Reading from morning devotions

The last few days (maybe a week or so) I've been reading/singing through a hymnal along with my other disciplines. I find this to be absolutely enlightening. Most of the time i just flip page by page until I see a hymn I know and I sing it, but occasionally a title will catch my eye and I'll read it and meditate on the words. That's what happened today, a title caught my eye after singing like 4 hymns and I started to read the words. The words really spoke to me so I thought that I would share them on here. The hymn may reveal my charismatic/mystical biases, but I'm in good company because after I was done I looked at who wrote it and realized it was Charles Wesley.

Come, Holy Ghost, Our Hearts Inspire
by Charles Wesley - pg 131 in the 1966 Methodist Hymnal

Come, Holy Ghost, our hearts inspire, Let us thine influence prove:
Source of the old prophetic fire, Fountain of life and love.

Come, Holy Ghost, for moved by thee The prophets wrote and spoke;
Unlock the truth, thyself the key, Unseal the sacred book.

Expand thy wings, celestial Dove, Brood o'er our nature's night;
On our disordered spirits move, and let there now be light.

God, through himself, we then shall know If thou within us shine,
And sound with all thy saints below, the depths of love divine. Amen.

I don't want to sound overly preachy, but we truly need the move of the Holy Spirit in our dead western Christendom. His move is not just for the charismatics or the pentecostals. No, the whole church is to be driven by the "celestial dove," we should expect to see the evidences of the Holy Spirit and the Kingdom of God in our churches as we earnestly pursue God. We should be actively moving in and practicing the gifts that are given to the church for the edification of believers.

I would write more but I'm off to lunch with my Pastor, and no we're not going to study the Purpose Driven Life (see post below entitled: "an email I sent a few people the other day.” if you're confused). I guess since I have to go, my ranting and raving will have to be saved for another day, but fear not, it will come.

On Conversion... more or less

I've been doing a lot of thinking about conversion lately. Some of it has been on my own and some of it has been through dialogue with some of you who may read this.

I really don't know how to phrase what I'm thinking, but I will give it a shot and maybe someone will have some input.

Most of these thoughts (that I'll get to in a bit) have risen out of an increased desire to see my lost friends become part of the Kingdom of God. My heart is continually burdened for their salvation, that they may know the joy, hope and love that I have in Christ. Although I desire their salvation, I don't desire them to "be saved" in the sense that most of western Christendom uses the term. I don' want them to pray a prayer and go on with their lives, I don't want them to be part of a Christianity that teaches them that they "must" worship God because they have an obligation, that they must do such and such because that is the way that "Christians" act.

No, my heart longs for them to have a deep and intimate relationship with the Living God. I want them to exceed the bounds of normal, complacent, dead Christendom and live in the fire of the Holy Spirit. I want them to long to worship God, because they delight themselves in Him.

But the question is how... how do I explain to them this depth that can be theirs, that God longs for them to have? A couple of them have some concept of Christianity but others have no god-concept at all. How do I start from scratch, a person with no conception of any of the things of God or gods and speak to them the supernatural and the things of the divine?

Suppose I do start with the small things of God, how do I lead them to the intense depth that God has for them? I don't know how I've come to see it and live in it (not that I have achieved the goal by any means - I am still running). I have sought God and he has been faithful to answer, he has drawn me into his heart.

I do not want to lead my friends in the "sinner's prayer" and have then believe that they have accomplished all they ever need to do. No I want them to thirst after God, to taste and see that he is good, to rise above the common level of Christianity and become passionately in love with the Holy and Triune God.

I know how to preach to God's people, how to call and beckon them deeper, it seems to come naturally because it is the message that I've been called to proclaim. For those who aren't in the flock I find myself at a loss of how to relate. I suppose I could take them through the "regular steps" and let them dwell in complacent and apathetic Christianity for an extended period of time before they are urged to go "deeper," to which they may respond or not. But, that seems insufficient to me, why must they go through that stage, I don't believe complacency is a normal part of the Christian maturation process. Christian growth is a process, but I don't believe part of that process is settling for a decaying faith that has no power or passion.

We must dispel this notion that the current state of the majority of Christendom is normal, and that intense passion and zeal are only for the ministers, the missionaries and those who actually have the courage to give something up. Christianity has always been about sacrifices, about following with passion and zeal - that is normal Christianity. Normalcy for believers should be lives that are lived with the possibility of martyrdom in the mind at all times. Normalcy in Christ means dying and giving of oneself, it means loving when it hurts and it means standing for things that most don't stand for (even those on the conservative "Christian" right).

I would even go so far as to challenge the "salvation" of those who live in this "normal" complacent Christianity. Faith without works is dead, and yes we only need to call upon His name, but if we call upon it we better carry it as our banner for all of our days. And that means being willing to pay the price, or better yet, paying the price in every breath.

This, it seems to me, is where true Christianity lies - in the sacrifice. It's funny though how if you stand for the things of God and are willing to pay the sacrifice you actually end up doing it. The price often starts first from the complacent mass of Christians who realize their inadequacies and don't want to sacrifice their "golden calves" of "Christian values" or "American dreams". They push you to the fringes and write you off as a zealot, liberal, or something in between.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe I'm perfect and I don't believe I've figured everything out. I'm not trying to sound overly negative or arrogant, I just am passionate about the lost. I'm so passionate that I don't want them to become "Christians" I want them to become followers of Christ, pursuers of God, or people filled with the Holy Spirit - whatever you want to call it. I want them to skip the "phase" of complacency and live how true Christians should be living. I love my friends and I would give my life for them to become part of the Kingdom of God - a true citizen of the Kingdom, who lives passionately for God, ready to give his/her life in an instant for the gospel. I don't want them to live the way everyone else lives... no I want them to follow Christ. This is my desire, not just for my friends, but for myself (as I'm still running) and for all. We need to prepare ourselves as the bride of Christ, for a day is coming when our beloved will return and we must be ready.

Martyrdom

Over the past year I've had this weird sense that God has been preparing me to be a martyr for him. This sense has come and gone in various intensities, but it has always been in the back of mind. Sometimes I'm reminded of it during prayer, when I think about the future or especially when I read things from the Father's (and mother's) of the Early Church.

I use to be worried that my family wouldn't understand if I was martyred, but I don't feel that anymore. Lately it's been on my mind a lot and I'm not apprehensive about it or worried. I more boldness and a sense of security than ever.

Lately I've been praying similar to: "Lord, if you desire to bless me with the privilege of martyrdom let it be so." I'm not even sure why I've been praying it, but it's kind of weird.

I just have this overwhelming sense of the Sovereignty of God and that nothing can stop the purpose he has for my life and that I will continue to proclaim his word to his people no matter what.

This fire inside consumes me and I desire to speak and proclaim the gospel of Christ, no matter what happens. I long, oh how I long, to know Christ in his sufferings and in his death. Just as St. Paul the Apostle writes in his letter to the Philippians:

I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death... [Philippians 3:8-10 NASB]

My heart is prepared to bear hardships for the gospel, something that Western Christendom has forgotten is part of the gospel [cf: John 15:18-21; 2 Tim. 3:12]. We live in a state of apathy and practice a Christianity that is barren and useless. We don't experience the power of God in our lives or in our Churches! We want to live so comfortably that we have forgotten what it means to give and to suffer, we neglect the poor and mislead the innocent and ignorant that Christianity is merely obligatory worship. This is a lie from the pit of hell! We cannot tolerate this Christianity any longer! Oh Lord, may you send your judgment on Western Christendom! May we turn from our wicked ways and rend our hearts and be your pure bride again. Let us not live lives that are frail and meaningless. Draw us into intimacy with you and let us worship you out of a broken heart and a love for the Triune God that consumes us and will not allow us to live that look no different from the world. Oh Lord, let us be a people that lives our lives as to die of the gospel.

Some are ready Lord, more than we think, use those who are ready to call your church back. Lord bring the storm so that we can feel the flood of your Spirit sweep away the deadness of the Church. Prepare us to truly be your pure and spotless bride.


Sorry for preaching, the bloc turned into a compilation of a sermon that I'm writing to preach July 3, a few dreams and visions that I've had lately (one that I'm just beginning to understand) and some thoughts that have been boiling in me for a long time.

May you truly live your life as to die for the Gospel!


Ben

Who am I?

This comes from a conversation I had with a few friends last night around a fire. Yes, that's right around a fire... that's what we do here in rural PA, we have camp fires. We use to sit around them and just talk about meaningless things, but so far this year we've had a few good philosophical discussions. It's been really cool. Nevertheless, here is the discussion.

My friend was talking about drinking and how the real you shows up when you're drunk. You know, the uninhibited you, the you that says what you think without reservation. He seemed to think that this was the real you. His thoughts followed the argument, that it was the you that didn't care what other people thought, it was the self that said what he really thought and he liked it because there was no mask involved. He discussed how when one was drunk there was no facade.

Although I understand his points, and appreciate the discussion I think he might be wrong. I would rather think of the real me as the one that holds back random statements because they aren't most loving, or because they don't reflect Christ. I don't think the real me is the uncontrollable, to use Freudian language, "ID" but rather the "ID" in balance with the "Ego" and "Super Ego."

I'm not sure if I really like using Freudian language that much though. The above paragraph doesn't really convey what I think justice. I don't think I can define the real me in merely psychological terms or on a purely secular basis.

This is close to a discussion that Ryals and I had in March or April. We both had gone through periods where we thought that as we progressed in Christ we were becoming less "us." Although, at the time becoming less us we thought was a good thing, it didn't really satisfy. It still left me, and I think him, wanting to not leave the real self. We both had progressed in our thinking and concluded that we weren't really moving away from the real self, rather we were truly becoming more of who we were created to be! It was really great when we talked about it because we both had come to this conclusion on our own and then found that we both thought that way.

It seems to me that as I am formed more into the image of Christ, I am becoming less of the "flesh" (in the Pauline sense not the dirty Greek Dualistic sense) me, but I becoming more of the true me. It doesn't seem that my identity is defined by who I am at my birth but who I become. I think that the true me is the person who strives for holiness and morality. The person who desires to love people and value their feelings. I believe that the true me is the person that is being forming into the Nature of Christ and is seeking to know him in his death and sufferings.

Yes sometimes I fall, and and fail to act in a Christ-like way, because frankly sometimes I can be a jerk, but I don't think that failing to act that way reveals who I really am. I think it reveals a self that once dominated my life but still wasn't the true self.

My true self is in Christ and anything that deviates from that is a mere blemish on who I am. I desire to rid myself of these blemishes but that will come with growth over time.

So to address my friend's discussion with drinking, I don't think the uninhibited drunken me would be the true me, I believe that it would be a deviation from my true self. Yes real feelings may be represented but they wouldn't be filtered through my self, they would bypass me and move straight into action. I don't think those actions would be truly me, they would instead be a bastardization of my self.

I have been helped a lot lately in my spiritual walk by a song off of a Houghton Onething cd, the lyrics are as follows:

If I could only see myself, the way that you look at me with your eyes of flaming fire, my heart could be set free.

If only I could understand everything you see in me, I could truly grow into all I
was meant to be....

Whisper to my heart what I have been longing to hear all my days:
I am the one that you have forever set your affections on.
I am the one that you have forever fixed your eyes upon.
I am the one that you have chosen before the beginning of time.
To be your beloved, your pure and spotless bride.

I really don't' think that this blog is clear at all. So if anyone reads it I hope I don't confuse you (as I have myself), feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

Ben


** Just to save on any confusion, the "drunken me" is hypothetical - I have never been drunk, nor do I intend to. ** Just incase you were wondering.

Church Growth Movement.... Reconsidered???

Hmmm... how do I put this.

I know that the subject will certainly be intriguing to you all, and hopefully you're not thinking that I've gone completely crazy. I swear I'm not crazy, and I do still fiercely disagree with the church growth movement, but I have been doing some thinking prompted by some recent reading and since you are all my close friends and know my hatred for this movement I thought I would share them with you.

I have been thinking a lot lately (and by lately I mean mostly today, in fact the last 20 min... maybe 10min) and I have come to realize that I would describe myself, much like Wesley did with Calvinism, as a hair's-breadth from the Church Growth Movement.

Yes my friends, that is right, i am wIllingly describing myself as a hair's-breadth from being a Church Growth Guru. Crazy!

So here is why I have concluded it. I have been reading a lot of 1900's revivalist literature lately (recently one book, but in the past many others, Tozer is 1940s-50s late/post-revivalism so the "force is strong in me") and obviously I love it. I love the old school holiness preachers, they definitely rock my face off!!

One thing that many of the revivalists have in common is their strong emphasis on the moving of the Holy Spirit. They are constantly calling the church back to its dependence on the Holy Spirit. The argument is that "we are not seeing results" and thus we must not be depending on the Holy Spirit, we must not be filled with the Holy Spirit and we must be doing something wrong. I know that one could argue these premises but for the moment I think I will accept them, just because I think there is some truth in statements like that. The argument then follows that if we were filled with the Holy Spirit we would be seeing massive conversions and huge results like in the book of Acts (you probably can see where I'm going with this).

I like this logic, I truly do believe that if the church was working in the power of the Holy Spirit we would see more signs and wonders, but also we would see a great conviction of sin fall over the church and multitudes converted and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Well, the emphasis on fruit being the proof of the movement of the Holy Spirit seems logical but this is where we get into hot water. We must be careful to discern fruit, but it is truly hard. This is why i have come to think (as of today) that the Church Growth Movement Is mostly founded in 20th century revivalism. (McGavran, after all did develop the theory in the 1960's while working as a missionary in India. He would have undoubtedly been influenced by and have read the writing of many revivalists in his missional training.)

That is a horribly scary thought for me, because I always wanted to embrace one and reject the other. Now I am finding that I have to pick and choose carefully (which I knew, but didn't want to admit) about what is good. I think the revivalists have some points but I am willing to stop when they focus strictly on results (which is mostly why our revivalistic denominations Wesleyan, C&MA, etc insist on constant conversion and sanctification reports).

We must desire fruit, we must cry and plead with God for fruit, but we cannot focus on the fruit as the sole purpose. The biggest flaw I find with revivalistic literature is that there is no room for edifying the believers because their view is that the only desire we should have should be for the lost (hmmm sound familiar?). The argument here is "there is nothing that will deepen Christian experience, edify believers and build them up in the Faith so rapidly and thoroughly as seeing souls saved." (The Revival We Need - Oswald J. Smith - 1902) This sole focus also neglects having a sole focus that pursues intimacy with the Father.

I seem to have lost my train of thought... hmmm go figure, it is me after all. Now I have really lost my train of thought because Justin just called me and then I went and ate dinner. Hmmm.... let me think....

Ok, back again.

It seems to me that our focus should be on intamcy and edification because I feel evangelism will be a natural result and outcroping of that. Just as Eckles' chapel (Dr. Eckely for you non-religion majors) reminded us (and I was reminded by Eryn and Spear of this) that the movement of the Holy Spirit for God's people should be a predominantly outward movement. It only blows in on God's people so that they (and it) can blow out and reach the nations. This is the theme of Acts as stated in Acts 1 (witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth) which prefaces the recording of the Spirit's movement.

So I really don't know where I"m going with all this, except to say that these are some recent thoughts and I find it really iteresting how something that I despise is partially founded in something that I absolutely love.

But all this to say that I am still viemently opposed to the Church Growth Movement and still view myself as a Holiness preacher (in the line of Tozer... wheeew). I value revivalism but I now have another 5 pages or so to add to my church Growth movement paper. I guess there are dangers in everything, but oh well.

So thanks for reading my thoughts and fee free to comment and tell me how awesome I am for thinking theologically during summer break and applying things I've learned to my summer pleasure reading, or to tell me that I'm completely wrong and that I suck at life.

Oh... and as I was sitting here writing this email I realized just how awesome and unique I am. Although this isn't incrediblly deep theology, but either way it's still theology and I have been doing it while listening to hardcore rock music and rap music. I bet ya Luther and Wesley couldn't do that!!! And especially not Calvin and Bultmann!!!
I RULE!!! =)


Blessings to you all.
May you be drawn closer to the Father through the Son and the Power of the Holy Spirit each day!!!


Ben

An email I sent a few people the other day

This is an emal that I sent a few friends the other day. I thought I would post it on here for all to read.


My dear friends,

I just want to apologize for all the rude and cutting comments I made about Rick Warren's purpose driven life. I have been reading and doing the 40 days of purpose with my home pastor and have found it to be absolutely enlightening. It is really starting to change my life, the way that I think, act, live, everything. I am being completely transformed by this book. It is truly a God-send in my life. I really feel bad for all the comments I made to people chastizing it, because i"m afraid they may not read it now. It is truly sent from the Lord.

I think i'm finally starting to find my purpose in life. I realize that the last 7 years I've been faking myself thinking that I was called into full time ministry. That's really not my purpose! My purpose is to be part of something bigger. I"m not sure what this bigger is yet, but I know its out there. I know that I can't keep messing around with small stuff and relationships. I know God has a really big purpose for me and that right now i'm not fulfilling it and going to seminary isn't going to fulfill it and being part of full-time ministry isn't going to help me reach that purpose.

So please be praying for me that God will continue to show me the purpose he has for me and that I will continue to be "driven" (I know it sounds cheesy but it fits) by that purpose.

I'm exploring a couple options right now and i'm not sure what to do but I know that the first thing I have to do is get plugged into a good paying job for a few years and pay off my school loans. If I can do that and go and get a degree in business at the same time I think i should be pretty good. I just have to find a small community college near here that isn't too expensive. I'm thinking JCC (Jamestown Community College in Olean) or OBI (Olean Business Institute). I may be able to get a leg up in the programs because of my Houghton credits, but I'm not sure.

Thanks a ton, and really you should all read the Purpose Driven Life... and find someone to do the 40 days of purpose with too. I'm really serious it has changed the way I think about everything, i can't believe how different I am now. It seems like i'mthinking so clearly, really read it!


May you too be driven by God's purpose for your life,


Ben




Oh hey, I almost forgot, here is a link to one of the other things that i'm thinking about doing if I don't go to a community college to get a business degree. http://larknews.com/may_2005/secondary.php?page=1



If you looked at the link, you obviously know that this one is a joke. I still think the Purpose Driven life is crap, but I thought this email was a little funny. I hope you laughed to.

The Begining

This is my blog, and hopefully you will find what I post on here interesting and enlightening. More than that, however, I hope that something on here will edify your spirit and draw you closer to the Father.

I will try to post regularly, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. However, I will definitely post when I have something that I think is interesting on my mind. I will try to keep this blog from frivolous rambling and will post primarily my theological and spiritual thoughts as God reveals himself to me.

So read on and may the words that you find here cause you to think, ponder, and fall deeper in love with the blessed Trinity!

For those who didn't catch it, the title of the blog is from A.W. Tozer's book The Pursuit of God. You should all read it.

Blessings,

Ben