Martyrdom

Over the past year I've had this weird sense that God has been preparing me to be a martyr for him. This sense has come and gone in various intensities, but it has always been in the back of mind. Sometimes I'm reminded of it during prayer, when I think about the future or especially when I read things from the Father's (and mother's) of the Early Church.

I use to be worried that my family wouldn't understand if I was martyred, but I don't feel that anymore. Lately it's been on my mind a lot and I'm not apprehensive about it or worried. I more boldness and a sense of security than ever.

Lately I've been praying similar to: "Lord, if you desire to bless me with the privilege of martyrdom let it be so." I'm not even sure why I've been praying it, but it's kind of weird.

I just have this overwhelming sense of the Sovereignty of God and that nothing can stop the purpose he has for my life and that I will continue to proclaim his word to his people no matter what.

This fire inside consumes me and I desire to speak and proclaim the gospel of Christ, no matter what happens. I long, oh how I long, to know Christ in his sufferings and in his death. Just as St. Paul the Apostle writes in his letter to the Philippians:

I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death... [Philippians 3:8-10 NASB]

My heart is prepared to bear hardships for the gospel, something that Western Christendom has forgotten is part of the gospel [cf: John 15:18-21; 2 Tim. 3:12]. We live in a state of apathy and practice a Christianity that is barren and useless. We don't experience the power of God in our lives or in our Churches! We want to live so comfortably that we have forgotten what it means to give and to suffer, we neglect the poor and mislead the innocent and ignorant that Christianity is merely obligatory worship. This is a lie from the pit of hell! We cannot tolerate this Christianity any longer! Oh Lord, may you send your judgment on Western Christendom! May we turn from our wicked ways and rend our hearts and be your pure bride again. Let us not live lives that are frail and meaningless. Draw us into intimacy with you and let us worship you out of a broken heart and a love for the Triune God that consumes us and will not allow us to live that look no different from the world. Oh Lord, let us be a people that lives our lives as to die of the gospel.

Some are ready Lord, more than we think, use those who are ready to call your church back. Lord bring the storm so that we can feel the flood of your Spirit sweep away the deadness of the Church. Prepare us to truly be your pure and spotless bride.


Sorry for preaching, the bloc turned into a compilation of a sermon that I'm writing to preach July 3, a few dreams and visions that I've had lately (one that I'm just beginning to understand) and some thoughts that have been boiling in me for a long time.

May you truly live your life as to die for the Gospel!


Ben