So how can I give a complete synopsis of my theological thoughts from a whole month, especially a month packed full of hearing preaching, praying, worshiping through song, and conversing with theologically astute friends. The answer... I can't. Thus, I fear that church camp will get touched on only briefly (since it is farthest in the past), and some of the conversations I've had will be written about sometime in the future.
On to Mahaffey!
I must preface this section by letting you all know that there is an old Alliance (Christian and Missionary Alliance - for those of you not of the true faith) adage that declares "You can't get to heaven until you've been to Mahaffey Camp." I have always interpreted this statement to mean that Mahaffey is necessary for salvation because it is a place where one can find true holiness or truly meet God, however recently some have used the statement to equate Mahaffey (with all of it's rustic virtues) to purgatory. I for one think that the latter interpretation of this statement is bogus, but whatever, you will always have those liberal theologians trying to make things mean what they don't. Oh and for those of you who don't believe that this statement is really said, just ask Drs. Charles and Darlene Bressler, they know how it is, and happily they are both going to heaven (although Charles is one of those "liberal theologians").
Camp was good, I spent a lot of time visiting with family, and explaining a few of my various theological stances to them, such as: "Why I use to be against women in ministry and now am zealously in favor of it," "Why I'm a charismatic," "What the gift of tongues is as far as I understand," "What The Openness of God is about," "Why I am so cynical," "Why I embrace the Catholic and Orthodox Churches," and "What soul sleep is and why I think I might be in favor of it."
Although, some may find the above questions a bit tiresome, I personally loved it. I love engaging and being asked questions about my varying theological positions because it forces me to look at them and examine if I truly do believe them.
Aside from visiting family, and discussing the above and various other topics, camp consited of attending prayer meetings and services, and starting both The Openness of God by Pinnock et al. and Who is God in Three Persons by John Tyson. I didn't finish either of these books at camp so I won't comment on them yet.
Although the services were good (the evening very good and the morning so so) I still felt like there wasn't much freedom or hope for the C&MA for most of camp. This changed when I was introduced to the evening speaker and he prayed (and what some might call prophesied) over me. The next night he asked "Brother Ben" to close the service but since I didn't know he was referring to me I stayed back. Ooops, my bad.
All in all camp was good, I'm still a little dismayed at some of the Alliance's closed mindedness (specifically towards women in ministry and anti-charismaticism) but I also realize that there are pockets of pastors who view things the same way that I do, this is encouraging and I am still hoping to be ordained C&MA.
On to IHOP!
I left camp a day or two early to come back and pack and get ready to go to the International House of Prayer (not pancakes, but still called IHOP) with a very close friend. This was a great trip. Before hitting Kansas City (where IHOP is) we stopped in Lawrence, Kansas so I could see yet another good friend and she could visit her sister-in-law. After a great time at our respective places, we arrived in Kansas City without a place to stay, luckily we ran into a Houghton grad and he let us crash at his apt.
Now with all the prefacing to this story done, I'll share my thoughts on IHOP. I journaled a lot while I was there so I will probably just include some mildly edited journal entries.
8/2/05 - 8:15pm
I feel a little lost sometimes because I'm not always sure what's going on but I do feel a spirit of peace [only I spelled it piece in my journal ha ha] in this place. There are a few things I'm not a fan of but nonetheless I think this is a good place. I'm not a big fan of the Israel emphasis that is a huge focus. I'm not sure what 'prophetic singers' are. There is a really strong emphasis on the bridal paradigm, there is communion stuff in the back corner, and it feels like the sacrament is 'just there.' The desire for miraculous stuff is very prevalent, but at the same time I desire these things too.... There is a strong individualistic push, but it is coupled by nontraditional corporate expressions.
I don't want to sound overly negative, this is a good place to meditate and soak, but much of it is just different.
8/3/05 - 1:28am
I really don't like it when they all speak in tongues at the same time. It just doesn't feel good to me, I know I shouldn't place so much emphasis on feeling, but often my 'gut feeling' is right. I still believe that these are godly people and that this is a godly place, but for some reason that just turns me off... Maybe part of my reservations are because its new to me....
They really emphasize the prophetic a lot here, which I think is cool, but it seems like our working definitions of prophet are different. I need to explore my ideas better so that I can decide which seems to fit more.
I've only heard him [Mike Bickle] a little bit, but what he said was good. He gave instructions for the prayer mic to the kids from the conference and made sure they knew that although he gets loud when he prays they don't have to. He made it clear that it is not volume or intensity of voice that makes God hear us. I thought this [to be] pretty good and solid.
Plus it was awesome to see the kids getting involved
8/3/05 - 8:00pm
I just finished Tyson's book on the trinity today. Oh how I love reading the ancient Trinitarian creeds of the church!.
My heart is continually broken when I think on the blessed Godhead... I know it is true not just based on creedal affirmation or biblical readings, but also from experience! The Spirit testifies to my spirit the greatness and blessedness of the trinity! When I meditate on the Godhead I am filled with wonder and awe, my heart burns with intimacy and worship of the Holy transcendent Godhead...
When my heart thinks on the Trinity I can hardly keep from claiming that my heart is 'strangely warmed'
Ok, so that is some of what was going through my head at IHOP, I know it has a little different tone that what most of my blogs do, but that's because I hadn't intended anyone to read it, but I am too lazy to rewrite it all so you get what you get.
I know these thoughts tended to be a bit critical, but please do not mistake me - I truly believe that place to be a house of prayer for all nations. I was delighted to see a wide range of ethnicities represented, and a world-focus in the prayer time. A lot of it was a new experience for me so it took some getting use to, but it is a place filled with godly people. I really didn't want to leave.
I came into this trip to IHOP not knowing what to expect, I kept hoping to see some "great miraculous thing" but I didn't. God however did speak to me, and challenged me to think about a lot of things. He also softened my heart and guided me to pray for people I normally wouldn't have or people I don't even know. I don't think I've ever prayed for others that much in my life, it taught me a lot about my focus. I spent a lot of time on my knees interceding for people, for their healing both physically and spiritually. I don't say this to make myself sound awesome, but just because that's what was going on with me.
It was also psuedo-monastic, in that the pace of life was slowed and really the only thing to do was to pray, and worship (not that the two are mutually exclusive by any means). This was such a good time of just resting and allowing God to speak to me before I take off and spend (Lord willing) 3+ years of my life pursuing a degree given to me by humans. No, I'm not completely knocking education, I'm just saying that this will help me keep my perspective and realize that theology cannot, and must not, be done apart from the people of God and intimate experience with the Most High. Any theology that is done by a person who isn't intimately in love with the person of Jesus Christ should be completely disregarded. They have no business telling the people of God how things are or how they should think. I know most of you who actually read this would agree with me on this issue, but nonetheless it's my soapbox for the night. We must never allow theology to be removed form the Church. One of the things that struck me about Tyson's book (which was awesome by the way) was that he constantly referred to the early fathers (and some mothers) as "Pastor-theologians." That's right, the writers of our creeds were not people sitting in ivory towers, trying to create a higher understanding of God in fancy words, no, these were people who lived and struggle as pastors. The main concern of these people was not "how can I 'one-up' the other theologians" rather it was "how can I correctly teach about Christ so that people may pursue him rightly." The creeds were forged in the fires of persecution and heresy. True theology, essential theology is that which we will hold onto in the face of certain death. I wouldn't die for my Arminian persuasion, or even my stance against the Church Growth Movement, but I would gladly give my life 100 times over (and to some exctend I pray that I may be found worthy) to defend the nature of Christ or the Godhead or to proclaim the gospel of Christ.
Yes, I have some theological cautions with IHOP, but when have I not had theological cautions about anything? A lot of what I am not a big fan of are valid biblical interpretations and they have very good reasons for doing.
There are some more theological issues that came to mind while at IHOP and they will be addressed in the future but for now I just wanted ot post what was going on and how God was using it to spiritually form me. Fear not, good friends, my theological ponderings will return and will hopefully be beneficially to you all and cause you to press into God, but for now I hope this encourages you, makes you think and still causes you to press into God.
I hope these thoughts cause you to think about what you believe, to intercede for others, and to meditate on the glorious Trinity.
Remember, that he will return to us and so I pray that all of us would press into him like there is nothing else that matters.
Let us press into him and he will heal us, bind our wounds and restore his church.
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