I just got back from yet another failure at finding a church. I think I'm beginning to lose hope. Since I've moved here to Wilmore I've visited 14 different churches, and some of them more than once. That's right, I have been in Wimore for 19 Sundays and have visited 14 different churches and have yet to find one that is good (yes, I know good is really arbitrary).
You may be thinking that I'm just too picky, or that I'm just buying into the consumeristic notion of "church shopping," but I feel it's more than that. I feel that it's something deeper.
All I'm really asking for is a Church that shifts the focus from us to God, a church that calls its congregants into a deep and loving relationship with God. I'm looking for a church that isn't married to American consumerism or Republican politics. I'm asking for a church that preaches the hard prophetic word of the Lord in a loving way, one that doesn't water down the message of the cross and the cost of discipleship in order to be "seeker friendly." I long to find a church that truly meets with God instead of meeting with each other in a valiant grasp to look religious and fulfill some preconceived notion of what it means to be a Christian. It would be great if I found a church where the gifts of the Spirit were actually used and not just talked about, where women were actually encouraged to be in ministry and not just theologized about being in ministry.
I've come to the conclusion that a church like this doesn't exist. I've known that for a while, but seriously, I would settle for any small combination. I really just want a place where I can serve God and others, where people are actually passionate about God and interested in knowing him more intimately every day. I don't care about worship styles, I don't care about size (although I bet my changes are better with a small church), I really don't care what denomination, I just want a place to encounter God with fellow believers who are seeking God.
Maybe I can't gauge a church on a one Sunday visit; maybe I need constantly remember that John Stott is right when he says "Every church in every place at every time is in need of reform and renewal. But we need to beware lest we despise the church of God and are blind to his work in history."
Do I hate the church? No! May God forbid it! Although, I use to hate the church, I hated the church for 2 or 3 years, from a senior in High School to a sophomore at Houghton. Then I read Stott's quote while leading a Lifeline group. I don't hate the church, on the contrary; I love the Church. I love the Church more than you could ever believe. That's why my heart breaks every week. Every week when I hear pastors speak mere fluff, wasting away their precious minutes to convey a life-changing truth from God. It breaks when I hear congregations sing half-heartedly about "how good Jesus makes me feel," when I take communion with believers that have no concept of the grace given during the Holy Eucharist. I want to scream and shout, I want to weep and wail. Every week I feel like I'm going to die, I feel like I want to die. I feel like the Church is dead and there is no hope for it. I think it's for this reason that I burn with anxiousness to get out of seminary and to go minister. The church is dying, or maybe it's already dead... can anyone save it? I realize I can't do it in and of my own desire and ambition. I realize that it is by the grace and power of the Most High that the church must be resurrected out of its ashes like the phoenix of lore.
I'm beginning to think that maybe the best thing right now is for me to finish the training that God has set before me and then I will be better equipped to tackle the small portion of the monumentous task that God will give me. Yes, I'll do what I can now, but maybe training is essential. But what if I miss the fight? I feel like an anxious soldier waiting for his chance to see some action. What if the fight is over by the time I get out of here in 3 or 4 years? The sad part is that I doubt it will be over. The church is in trouble and unless the hand of God reaches and raises up his bride form the muck and the mire, she will continue to wallow in it for a long number of years.
I'm not saying that I've made my decision to stay in seminary, nor am I saying that I've given up fighting until I'm out. I'm just saying that we have an uphill battle and it will take much work, prayer, and probably a good old fashioned persecution to bring the Church back to be the pure bride that she once was.
Until that day, it seems that my only solace can be found in the words of Thomas Oden, from his book The Living God. Oden says: "Even when preachers are heretics, as long as they celebrate Holy Communion in due order, the liturgy is not invalidated, and the rite itself performs the ironic task of contradicting what has been badly taught."
I hope and pray that he is right, because right now there is a lot of bad teaching from pastors, worship leaders, and other ministers, and it is by the grace of God that the church still stands in even a vague shadow of her former glory.
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3 comments:
You make a good point. The church has always had problems (cf Stott's quote in the post), but it is most recently and specifically in our nation that Christianity has sold it's soul to become a "me first" consumer-driven, unsubstantial glob.
It seems to me that there are times where the church (or at least pockets of the church) are "getting it" or are at least closer than other times. This is the same with Israel, there were times when they got it, and then there were times when they didn't and they needed strong prophetic rebuke.
Now seems like a time when there American/Western Church doesn't get it. Granted there are places where the church does seem to get it. If we look at the persecuted, house church movement in China, or in a few places in Africa or South America. The church is growing, not by mere numbers but in strength and spirit.
The church has always fought battles, but the battles shift and now is the time when it seems we are fighting a great apostasy in the western church.
hmm.. that's a gross generalization of the church as a whole. i agree with a lot of what you have to say about the state of some churches, especially in america, but there are also some that i found to be good according to the standards you gave of what a good church looks like. even then, these bad evil republican churches are our brothers and sisters too, in spite of their sinful and selfish nature, a nature which i also happen to have. i am half-way around the globe (thailand) and honestly i find the same thing - there are good churches with bad preaching, and bad churches with good preaching - depending on what your standards are for good and bad. oh even if we claim biblical standards it is always going to be tainted by our preference and culture. maybe we should just trust that Christ will redeem his bride as is written, no? and that it is him who sanctifies us, each and every one of us who are a part of this church, and not our good theology, or good preaching. the battle has already been won, by Christ. maybe we should concentrate our efforts in acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly before God, eh? then maybe we can see that the church is more than the preaching, and that there are people in there who truly need Christ. we are part of the church, and we need Christ, not another church. that's my $3 worth. i'm republican.
Whoa! Lots of good thoughts here, guys! Some of you stole what I was going to say...rats...
I think that Perrine is right when he says that, if we look back through history, the church has NEver really lived up to the glory that God desires, that He designed it for. Lest we look back at history through rose-coloured lenses, I think the mention of a few choice time periods can bring back more than enough less-than-glorious memories of the church: the Crusades, the Inquisition, the silence of the church during the Holocaust, to name a few...But Sam's point is well-taken, that, even as we stumble along on feet of clay trying to follow Christ in what often seems like a drunken stupor rather than a clear, purposeful walk, somehow God's grace is big enough to take our feeble attempts and use them anyways. To use Isaiah's words, to make our ashes into beauty, our filthy rags into garments of righteousness. By no means should God's grace let us off the hook! Holiness is still VERY important! But the fact is that the beauty of the Body of Christ cannot be destroyed even by our brokenness, by our failure to be a body or point to Christ, because it comes not from us, but from God Himself. I LOVE the Church. So much, in fact, that every scar or blemish or gaping wound in her breaks my heart, makes me weep and mourn and want to give everything that is in me to keep it from ever happening again. And to be a means of healing, restoration, and growth 'till she reaches the stature of all the fullness of God! A HUGE, monstrous task. Good thing we have the Holy Spirit.
P.S. - You should come visit my church here in Cuba, NY. It's everything you would be looking for. Not perfect, mind you, but filled with people who are passionate about the Lord and about service, pastors and lay people who speak with authority, humility, and truth, that openly embraces people from all walks of life. It is not uncommon to smell cigarette smoke during the service, we have 3 mentally disabled people in our congregation (who are wonderful, by the way), and Pastor Jon doesn't wear a suit and tie and preaches from the aisles of the church, not the pulpit. (In fact, I don't think we even HAVE a pulpit...) Did I mention that he graduated from Asbury Seminary? :) Maybe I should ask him where he went to church while he was there. :)
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